Now here is the news…

Gotta post this just cos it made me snigger.  Apparently the newsreader in question had meant to grab his ipad (or podpad as my mam calls them) and mistakenly grabbed a ream of paper.  I like the way he just rolled with it.

I dunno if I mentioned it but I have new neighbours and they have two very small children.  The other day I was outside and they were leaping about on their trampoline and chatting on to me.  I remarked that the trampoline looked like a lot of fun,  to which the little boy said ‘if you ever have little children you should get them one’.  I had to break it to them that my children are almost as grown up as their parents.  A few days before that the little girl (who must only be about three or four) took a look at my 13 and a half year old dog and told me that one day she would be as big as her dog (which is a 7 month old puppy but massive).  Sometimes kids just amuse the life out of me!

kids say

So aaanyway on Saturday I went to Newcastle.  We had decided before hand rather than do the usual pubs we would try some new ones.  I came away with two thoughts.  The first was that it’s no wonder people get so completely trashed over there.  First pub I walked into,  ordered a double voddy and lemonade and the girl says ‘you can have a treble for the same price’.  Champion thinks I.  Couple of those later we go into another pub where I asked for a single.  The bar man says ‘you can make it a double for an extra 20p’ at this point Ive already had 6 vodkas so I says no thank ya and he looked at me like I was completely mental.  It was at this point only about 9 oclock and we still had hours to go.  So we trawl another couple of pubs and then end up in this one where I say ‘vodka and lemonade please’ to which the barmaid says ‘any short comes with two free jagerbombs’.  I gave those to a random man standing next to me.  So anyway a bit later we’re in yet another pub and I thought ‘I really need a bottle of water’ cos I was somewhat trollied,  so duly asked the girl behind the bar.  She came back with a bottle of WKD. At this point I think I pretty much wailed ‘nooooooo water’.  I think the last few pubs of the night should offer you a replacement kidney with your drinks.

It was a great night though.  Mind you I really do not understand the present fashion for ridiculous high heels.  Well I mean I do..  they can be beaaaaaautiful and I have several pairs myself.  What I don’t understand is why anyone would wear them to go for a night out in a sprawling city where you are probably gonna dance.  The last few times I’ve been out I’ve ended up watching girls toppling over like dominoes.  It’s just bizarre.

drink

And my quote for the day…

90% of quotes on the internet are made up – Socrates

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6 Responses to “Now here is the news…”

  1. Sup daffarooooooooooooooooooooooskiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

    I saw the picture and assumed you’d be saying what a good idea a drink tank was and how it’d be great to charge them for their stay. I’d also charge them for any mess they made too, but that’s just me.

    But you got right to the heart of the issue, the clubs and pubs selling alcohol at knock down prices. But to be honest, if they didn’t get it from the club they’d get it at home/discount booze shops like one dickhead said last night on the news. Oh, and she was a Gerodie in NewCastle and cited that the booze in the clubs were ‘extortion’. Wut?

    I’d like to start a domino-like cascade of drunk people when I go out! Just pretend I’m pissed and push them, watch ’em fall down!

    Remember when the BBC pulled that black bloke on set to talk on live TV and he was the wrong man? lol!

    Most of my Mam’s neighbours are, well… cunts! Others on my block are mostly miserable. Though I’ve already offended one woman on my block with a sex-based comment. It wasn’t what you think actually! It involved her and husband using a crosstrainer at the same time and resulting in her being pregnant. Apparently I’m a ‘Dirty boy! haha’. lol

    Socrates? Pffft he didn’t say that, everyone knows it was he-man!

    Hope things are going good for you mate, tiz pissing it down here again!

    Much love mateski and all the bestski! 🙂 xxx

    – Philski

    • He Man was a duuuuuuude. I actually had his poster on my wall when I was way too old for it to be cool ;O)
      I dread to think what you said to that woman. You need to tell me in detail :OP
      L&Hskis Daf xxx

      • How old were you, then? About 30? hahahaha I am funny as fook!

        We were just talking, she wanted to sell me the crosstrainer after I brought up I will be doing exercise in the first room over their first room. She said it’d only been used once or twice and then she fell pregnant. Hubby took the opportunity to make a joke at this point and asked her if the crosstrainer was the reason for her falling pregnant. I then joined in and asked if they were both on it at the same time andd did the motion of crosstrainer while thrusting my crotch a little.

        And that’s what happened.

        It didn’t end there, the following week I was talking to two more of my neighbours, just having a general chat coming out of the flat, with a man and a woman who live on my floor but on the other side. We got to the corner shop outside and the lady said she wont be long. I was then stuck outside with the man who didn’t seem to want a conversation anyway but I struck one up and said I was from the otherside of the block, and he asked me

        Him: “What’s it like on that side? Ok?”

        To which I replied: “As I was just saying to you Mam it’s quite but we have a few issues with someone below at 141.”

        To which he replied: “She’s not my Mam, she’s my girlfriend!”

        Me: “Oh shit! Sorry about that, I thought she was you Mam! Don’t tell her I said that!”

        Him: Hahahahaha

        How was I supposed to know, she looks 55 he looks 32-ish! I think he may have told her, though I wont know untill I see her again. If I get a look of daggers then I’ll know!

        L&Hskis mate!

        – Philski xxxx

  2. The definition of a barman is somebody who gets you as drunk as he can as fast as he can – then gets nasty when he succeeds!!! 🙂

    Yes, I could read the sign – and I’m sober… 🙂

    God Bless!

    Prenin.

  3. Just caught your comment!!! 🙂

    Stargate Atlantis five days a week, no idiots knocking on my door every five minutes looking for money and I’m feeling great!!! 🙂

    Tomorrow I have to shop, so I’m not looking forward to it, but when needs must… 🙂

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

  4. WordsFallFromMyEyes Says:

    You’re hilarious – you make me LAUGH 🙂

    I can’t believe 2 free jagerbombs with a drink – what THE. Crazy pubs, crazy.

    This with the guy & the ream of paper is hilarious. The whole world is laughing!

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